As two people in a relationship, there is always the tendency for you two to experience conflict in your relationship. There is a local saying that goes thus “Dishes cannot stay together in the same basket without touching each other”. This saying implies that conflicts are inexorable so you long you are in the same space with someone else.
In a romantic relationship, there are two different people bonding together with a common goal. However, these two people do not have to share the same interest, personality, principles or opinions. The individuality between them is what makes them different from each other. The ability to coexist despite every differences and still maintain the common goals that they share in the relationship is an essential aspect of that relationship.
Moreso, maintaining the state of the relationship might depend on the intensity of the conflict at hand. This is why relationship conflicts must be resolved regardless of it’s intensity to avoid total separation.
Conflicts are inevitable. They can occur either as a result of the differences between the two people’s personalities, behaviors, opinions, principles, habits and most importantly the actions and reactions towards these entities. However, it is important to note that one of these entities might even be one of traits that initially got you attracted to your partner but as time runs by, you started getting uncomfortable with it and consequently, these traits result in conflict between you two.
For example; your partner is known for being carefree about things either serious or not so serious situations, it just doesn’t matter to him/her. While you on the other hand is careful and calculative about anything or everything. His or her carefree nature is likely to lure you initially. You are attracted to the fact he/she take things lightly, doesn’t freak out or get worked up by anything. But as time goes on, you start to get uncomfortable with each other. The fact that you get too worked up and freak out easily or the fact that he/she is too relaxed about serious matters gets either of you uncomfortable with each and this likely prompts the conflict to set in.
So you see, one can never be too careful for relationship conflicts. Even the things that used to be what you loved most about your partner is likely to aggravate one. This is why you must learn how to maintain the sparks of your relationship during and even after conflicts.
These 5 tips will help you retain your relationship’s sparks during and after conflicts.
1 . Speak to yourself
Yes, You read that right. Talk to yourself! If you’re probably wondering why I have decided to give you such a psychopathic task then you missed my point. By speaking to yourself, I mean that you admonish your own self.
Self admonishment enable you to reflect on the things that had happened. As you reflect on your actions/reactions, you learn the truth about yourself. This is when you know whether or not what you did was justifiable and if not, you accept your mistakes.
The cause of every conflict is either as a result of one’s actions or reactions. Not everything should be put on your partner. Besides, it takes two to tango, right? If he or she hadn’t acted, you wouldn’t have reacted or If you had not Acted, he/she wouldn’t have reacted.
When you admonish yourself, you get a clearer understanding of the conflict and subsequently get you ready to communicate with your partner.
2. Communicate with your partner effectively
For communication to be effective, there must be a speaker and then a listen. However, during conflicts communication is not usually a smooth sail due to the tension that has been built earlier.
To ease up communication amidst conflict, you should always be willing to be the listener whenever your partner is talking. Be calm enough to listen, this will get your partner to listen to you too when you are ready to say all that you have in mind.
3. Do not prolong arguments.
I understand that the coconut head in you is likely to give you the strong urge to prove all of your points. I am not going to discourage you from proving your points, I advice that you relax and give your partner the chance to prove his/her point too.
Prolonged arguments lead to prolonged conflicts. You might not even be right about the whole thing. This is why it is important to listen, reflect and accept your mistakes. It makes relationship conflicts easier to resolve.
4. Do not forget to apologize
During conflicts, you and your partner are likely to indulge in trading of words. While that was happening, either of you might have said hurtful things to each other probably out of annoyance. Some of these things you may not even mean them yet you said it.
It is important that you always recall these things that you said while you’re both resolving the conflict and then apologize. Don’t just let everything go because your partner might still be hurt by those words. Make sure him/her understand that you didn’t mean what you said.
5. Fill in the conflict gaps
After conflicts, there are usually gaps established due to the past tension. It could be an awkward atmosphere between you two even when there is no more conflict. You must fill in these gaps after conflict resolution in order to rekindle the feelings you had for each other and get you two back to how you used to be.
You can fill these gaps either by getting physically intimate to each other, go out on a date, go on trips or indulge in any other random activity that you both mutually like. Just anything that keep you two in the same space at the same time.
In conclusion, conflict in romantic relationship is an inevitable event. However, you should never allow the conflict to get the best of your relationship. During conflict and resolution, try to be patient both with yourself and with your partner.
