Relationships are akin to conflicts. One cannot simply ignore this fact because conflicts are inevitable. This is why you must communicate with your partner effectively for the purpose of conflict resolution.
Every relationship will at one point or the other experience some form of turbulence between the two people involved. It is impossible for a relationship to always be a smooth soothing ride. However, what is not impossible is the ability of the relationship to thrive amidst turbulence. This can be achieved through effective communication.
The key to a healthy relationship is effective communication. On that note, communication in a relationship creates connection, strengthen bond, increases trust for each other and ultimately builds intimacy, empathy and understanding.
However, there might be urges to always sweep things under the carpet rather than addressing things to avoid conflicts. This will make things look better only at that moment but in future, all things that was swept under the carpet will come back to haunt the relationship all over again. This is one of the reasons why some people in toxic relationships refuses to speak up until things has actually gotten worse.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in expressing your feelings and grievances or reacting to an action of your partner that doesn’t sit well with you. However, what is not right is the fact that you raise your relationship conflict from bad to worse in an attempt to express yourself, react or ignore it.
What kind of communicator are you?
Are you a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator?
Do you ignore your partner, give him/her silent treatment, just walk away or sweep everything under the carpet when he/she hurts your feelings? Then you’re a passive communicator.
Are you the yeller, screamer, abuser or hitter (could be table, wall or even a person) whenever your feelings are hurt by your partner? Then you’re an Aggressive communicator
Do you stand up for yourself by calmly and honestly expressing your thoughts and feelings whenever you’re wronged by your partner? Then you are an Assertive communicator.
You should be familiar with at least one of these patterns and from these three patterns, it is quite obvious which one of them is the best form of communication that should be practiced.
3 tips on how to effectively communicate with your partner.
Speak and listen
For any communication to be effective, there must be the speaker, the listener and most importantly the message. You cannot expect to be heard without actually speaking up. When your partner hurts your feelings either through words or actions, instead of sweeping the feelings under the carpet, giving cold shoulders or doing other things to react to this, you should just speak up. It is a lot easier and it makes conflict faster to resolve.
Secondly, you would never understand your partner’s contexts or perspectives unless you give him or her a chance to speak or that you listen to what he or she has to say.
1. Stop sweeping everything under the carpet
If it hurt you that much, there are chances that it will come back to hurt you again, and again and again until you actually speak up. In a relationship, Not everything should be swept under the carpet. There are things you actually need to call your partner out and address things, iron everything out. To avoid recurring issues.
It is understood that you sweep things under the carpet to avoid conflicts but one thing you do not understand is that you’re aiding in the creation of an unfavorable habit in your relationship by keeping quiet. This is why your partner keeps repeating the same thing that you find hurtful. It is even possible that he/she is not even aware of the detriment of his/her actions.
So next time you feel hurt by your partner, instead of sweeping everything under the carpet, sweep it outside.
2. Keep a low tone
Your grievances might tempt you to yell at your partner and say things in a very condescending manner but trust me, it doesn’t solve anything. It will only make you feel bitter.
When you keep a low tone while expressing your feelings, you would be able to have a full control over everything that you say. That way, your partner wouldn’t feel less, hurt or offended by your word.
3.Correct with love.
You don’t always have to speak harshly to your partner all in name of mistakes correction. When you correct your partner in a disdainful manner, you create fear for yourself and that makes you unapproachable.
However, by correcting your partner with softness and affection, you create respect for yourself while your partner on the other hand feels the sense of freedom to always approach you and open up to you. Hence, absolute honesty.
Taking everything into account, a relationship can be referred to as a healthy relationship when there is free and effective communication. Also, for communication to actually be effective, you have to properly communicate your feelings with your partner to avoid creating unnecessary conflicts and worsening whatever problem is at hand.
